I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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