i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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