Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
