There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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