I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
