2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
