My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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