i'm signing you up for texting rehab
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
