Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
