Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
