Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
