my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
