if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
