You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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