You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
