I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
