Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
