There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
