doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
