She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
