I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sarcasm needs its own font
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
