Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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