you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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