ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
