All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
