even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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