the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
