i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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