How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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