Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
