So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My balls are so social today.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
