What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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