Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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