her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
