So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
