if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
