i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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