If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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