if i can run in heels then i can drive
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she peed on how many people?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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