From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
