is your mom at the bar?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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