..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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