I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
