Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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