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Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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