She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
