Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
