My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
