she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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