This is not my ceiling
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
