Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
